Is this your first time seeing a provider?
Read the following to avoid making a faux pas and become her favorite client.

This is a guide to help you find a reputable provider, be it Tantra, Massage Girl, Escort/Companion or BDSM Mistress. This is a judge-free zone.

This guide was written with love by : https://xostefania.nl

Finding a Provider

When looking for a provider, do a bit of research on her to find out if she’s legitimate. There are a lot of fake ads, sketchy providers and scammers you need to be on the lookout for. This industry attracts a lot of bad people and it is both the client and provider’s responsibility to keep themselves safe. 

As a general rule of thumb, you want to be wary of ads that offer little information and that seem too be good to be true. Fantastic pictures and really low price? Red flag. Don’t jump the gun. Google her contact information and figure out if she’s active anywhere else. Some providers might have a twitter, instagram, tik-tok or only fans that they share, make sure they post regularly and have an active online presence. The general life advice of “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is” applies here.

There’s a lot of horror stories from clients about having gone seen a girl who turns out, at best, to be nothing like her pics or at worst, violent and/or a scammer. Majority of these things can be avoided through screening. Screening is not just for the providers, it is also for the clients. Stop and ask yourself: Why would a woman feel comfortable meeting a stranger without knowing anything about him?

For your own safety as a client, you should ALWAYS be twice as wary of providers that require little to no screening. Without a doubt, I guarantee you 99% of the horror experiences clients go through are committed by providers who don’t screen (just as most horror experiences providers go through are committed by clients we don’t screen … see the parallel?). 

Think of the following scenarios: A scam artist will not screen because their intention is to get you through the door by all means. A pimp/trafficker only cares about money, and their intentions are to get as many clients as possible. They will not screen because they have little concern for the welfare of their victims. A responsible provider, however, who cares about her safety will always screen because they want to make sure they are meeting a real person who will not harm them.

In summary, if you want to heavily mitigate the risk of a potential scam artist, trafficking victim, or general bad person, find a provider who screens. Screening benefits both clients and providers. If you choose not to follow any of this advice and take your chances with those who don’t screen, I wish you the best of luck, because you will seriously need it. Just please, whatever you do, don’t be that annoying guy who chooses to only think with the small head, and then goes and complains online that he got set up by a shady provider as if there were never red flags he chose to ignore.

Another very important thing to keep an eye out for is the amount of effort a provider puts into their work. Personal websites, professional pictures, and well-written advertisements are normally good signs of a legitimate provider as they require an investment of time and money which most shady people looking to make a quick buck out of you aren’t going to bother with. The places they advertise in are also good representatives.

When not to contact a provider

Many clients ruin their chances with ladies before it even starts because they lack the awareness of knowing when it is and is not appropriate to contact a lady. I hope to bridge this gap of knowledge through this section.

Generally, you want to avoid contacting a provider unless you are ready to book an actual appointment. Understand we run a business and our time and energy is just as valuable as anyone else’s. If you find a girl you like but aren’t ready to yet book an appointment, resist the temptation to send her a message just to tell her this. If you wouldn’t go out of your way to randomly call a hairdresser you have no intention on seeing just to tell them you like their work but “unfortunately, I do not need a haircut right now!”, give providers and their business the same regard.

Many providers may often come off as “cold” in initial correspondence with new clients. This is not because we do not want you as clients – try to understand that prior experience has shown us most people who contact us are not in any way serious about seeing us. Over time, one quickly learns that energy needs to be reserved for people who prove themselves to be serious from the get-go, not the guy that maybe is a serious client but just happens to have poor etiquette. The burden of proof that you are a serious client is on YOU, not on her- if you want a provider to not pass you over and think you are serious about seeing her, show her through your actions from the very start. 

Found a lady you like but have a general question you would really like to get an answer to? Show her you are serious and not a timewaster by backing up your words with actions. I have had clients send me gift cards/money transfers and/or their full screening information along with any questions/comments they might have and this works miracles in standing out from the rest. This shows me they are serious and not just trolling providers at random trying to get free attention with zero intentions of booking. Use actions, not words!

A common enquiry providers receive is about travel. I understand how frustrating it must be as a client to find a lady that has grabbed your interest, only to realize she is located quite a distance from you! I can also understand the temptation there is to “innocently” ask her if she would oh-so-ever consider coming to your city, and if she could please let you know if she ever tours to your location?

This is terrible etiquette for many reasons, the biggest one being that it lacks consideration for the high costs involved in touring/traveling. Overhead costs for tours are VERY expensive when you take into account flights, accommodations and advertising costs alone. Asking her to pay out of pocket to come to your location just to make it convenient for you to book is, quite frankly, selfish and short-sighted. If you want to see a lady located outside your home location, the best course of action is to make a trip out of it and go visit her at her home! If, however, you live in Maryland and happen to like a girl based in New York but only want to see her for an hour appointment, spare the poor girl and look elsewhere for someone closer to you.

I should also not forget to note that many providers have stories of having toured to locations clients had expressed interest in before, only for her to get there and the same clients who begged her to go there ending up ghosting or never booking an appointment. Unless you are serious and ready to back up your desires with solid, immediate actions,  leave your “maybe” bookings at home and don’t waste a lady’s time. And definitely don’t be surprised when she treats your empty “desire to book” with skepticism and coldness. Book ONLY  when you are fully prepared!

Contacting a provider

When you are finally ready to book an actual appointment with a provider, you want to make sure you are tactful in the way you approach her. Read her ad and/or website thoroughly and see what she needs from clients.  Providers deal with a lot of timewasters and rude clients who test our patience on the regular, following her instructions and sending a respectful message with all the information she requires will immediately put you ahead of 99% of the crowd (this number is not an exaggeration). First impressions are crucial and you only get one chance.

Most providers take the time to post basic information in their ads/website like their schedule and rates for YOUR convenience, please READ and do not send a message asking “what are you rates?” or “are you available?” if she already has those answers listed! This is THE  #1 provider pet peeve.

Examples of common poor messages:

• “are you available?”

• “what are your rates?”

• “hi babe”

• “hi”

• “i am tall fit and handsome not like the other guys you see”

If you send any of the above, don’t be surprised if you receive a snarky reply back (guilty as charged). 

Example of an excellent introductory message:

• “Hello Frankie, my name is ________. I found your ad listed on ______ and was super interested in meeting you! A little bit about me: I am __ years old and I work in finance. I am about 5’6 tall, and physically pretty fit with maybe a couple extra pounds to spare. I like to go skiing in the winter when I’m not working and am a big fan of science fiction novels. I would like to reserve a tantric massage appointment on January 18th, would it be possible to meet at 5pm for 2 hours? For your records, my cell number is xxx-xxx-xxx and my LinkedIn account is ______ . I have attached a photo of my ID. If you need any more information, please do not hesitate to ask. I look forward to your reply!”

(Feel free to steal that template for yourself)

Let me just reiterate why this is so important. We get hundreds of messages from people who don’t respect our rules or don’t bother to take the 5 minutes required to read our ads/websites. Dealing with endless dead-end enquiries, answering the same questions with information that is already listed somewhere else and just dealing with the abundance of timewasters out there who have zero intentions of booking our services will eventually wear down even the most patient person on this planet. I am sure I speak for most if not all providers when I say, someone who extends the smallest amount of effort to at least follow our rules and basic booking requirements is like an oasis in an otherwise chaotic storm. Be that guy.

Be respectful of a provider’s screening requirements. Screening methods is one of the most discussed topics in this business, and a huge source of headaches for both clients and providers. For now, all I will say is, respect a provider’s screening methods. This is a very individual thing and up to the provider to determine what they are comfortable with. Some people are comfortable with just a phone number, others need more personal information. It is NOT up to you to decide what is and is not acceptable for a provider to ask for. If a provider asks for something you are not comfortable giving, do not message her trying to negotiate, or at worst, argue with her about it. It is very rude. Move on and find someone else.

Be clear with the booking details in your message. This is just a small pet peeve of mine I know other ladies share, but it is always best to be clear with the details of a booking from the get-go. “2 hour session at 6pm on February 10th” is much better  than “a few hours in the afternoon sometime next week.” Believe me, it is easier (and quicker!) to accommodate a booking when none of the details are left ambiguous. 

Be respectful of a provider’s time. Most providers require at least a few hours notice, others 24+ hours, again take a look at what kind of notice she asks for. This is very individual (for what it’s worth, I ask for 24 hours notice for pre-bookings). Nothing says to me “I don’t have any consideration for you” more than a message that asks to meet me on my off-day, or a client who seems to think I have no life outside my job and am available 24 hours around the clock. If I post I’m working 11am to 8pm, don’t message me drunk at 3am. The only exception to this is if you understand that convenience has a cost. Only in town one day and really want to convince your favourite girl to see you outside her scheduled hours? You better be willing to make it worth her while. 

Unless she states she is okay with it, please don’t message her at 12:41pm looking for a 1pm appointment. It takes time to screen and get ready for an appointment, and time needs to be set aside for you. Most of us are not sitting around, dressed ready to go, phone in our hands waiting for you to call us. We have other jobs, school, families, chores, and other life responsibilities we are not able to stop at the drop of a hat. Me, personally? Chances are I’m in sweatpants with no make-up on when you send me that “are you available?” text. Plan ahead.

On the same token, if you book an appointment, respect the time. If you need to cancel, for the love of all that is Holy, do not text her 10 minutes beforehand, or at worst, ghost her. The time you book is time reserved for you that could have gone to another client. Cancelling with zero regard costs her precious time and money and is often enough reason for a provider to blacklist you. Different people have different rules on cancellation policies, make sure to ask.

Deposits

This is a very big debate topic in this industry, especially in regards to independent providers. Many providers – myself included – insist on collecting some sort of deposit before finalizing a booking. Why is that so?

Once again, I can only speak for myself here, but I mostly do it for the peace of mind. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that many people in this industry do not respect our time and last minute cancellations / no-call no-shows are very common. Providers often set time aside for their bookings way in advance, and cancellations by clients who were never in any way serious about seeing us can hurt our business quite badly. When this happens enough times, most of us start to get anxious with new bookings, thinking: Is this client actually serious about their booking? 

There also exist the clients who talk a lot about “future bookings.” Maybe you are serious – maybe you are telling the truth when you say you’re not sure of your schedule yet, or that you just need to get the time off work, and you really do want to take us on that trip or buy us that one gift we’ve always wanted. But to us, we might be skeptical over whether you are serious or just stringing us along for your own entertainment. You have to forgive us for this – once again, there do exist many mean-spirited people who get off on wasting provider’s time and we often learn to be on the defensive for this kind of behavior.

Deposits, once again, help here. If you have every intention of booking a future appointment with a provider but really are still unsure of a date, help your provider feel at ease with you by sending them a deposit towards the future booking. When you do something like this for us, we are able to rest easy knowing that you are definitely serious about seeing us and aren’t one of those jerks taking us for a ride. Believe me, this is just good for you as it is for us because when we feel comfortable around you, we can be our ultimate authentic selves and provide you with an even better experience free of any anxieties and apprehensions.

Yes, believe me, I understand there is an anxiety of your deposit being stolen. I am very remorsefully sorry to admit that these kind of incidents do happen in our industry with dishonest and morally bankrupt providers.  Many clients, understandably, can be apprehensive about sending deposits because of this. Regardless, I urge you to not paint us all the same. Do your research as well as you can – how reputable is this provider you want to see? How much of a deposit are they asking for? Do they seem like they have a lot to lose if they got outed for being scammers? How professionally do they handle their business? Always remember that for most of us, stealing a deposit is just not worth the cost of our entire income revenue. All I can really do is implore you to never send deposits out blindly just because someone asks for them, and do as much research on the provider as you can to see if you can judge them as being fairly low-risk of a scam. Remember: this industry is never without risks, and the best any of us can do as clients and providers is minimize the risks involved as much as possible.

Ultimately, I will leave it at this: If you are in any way uncomfortable sending a deposit a provider asks for, resist the temptation to argue with them about it as they likely made this decision for a myriad of personal reasons. I hesitated on asking for deposits for over two years because I knew I would isolate clients hesitant to send them, but eventually the scale tipped for me in that the anxiety the uncertainty without deposits was causing me was more than the money I was afraid of losing. Thus, I accepted that losing potential business from hesitant clients was worth the peace of mind deposits would give me. Many providers, I am sure, also feel similarly. If you are finding yourself to be too uncomfortable with the risk that a deposit entails, be respectful and understanding of the reasons providers ask for them, and just move on to someone who fits your personal level of comforts.

Getting Ready for an Appointment

Believe it or not, there is a lot of etiquette involved in meeting a provider, and it is very common for a first-timer to make easily avoidable rookie mistakes. The best course of action to thoroughly prepare yourself for your upcoming date is by researching basic provider etiquette. This tip alone will guarantee you earn yourself a spot in your new friend’s favorite client list! Heed all I am saying and I guarantee she will be gushing about you to all her friends for a long time to come.